I have a question for anyone who wants to try to answer.
How do you respond to someone who you are married to, who says about 1 week after you marry that he doesn’t want children after he is 40?
Have another question.
How do you respond to someone who wants sexual relations all of the time, but told his mother just recently that he is finished having children?
These are questions to be thinking about. I have had this happen to me. How do I handle these topics? Well, it’s very, very hard. Let’s take the first question. About 1 week after my husband and I were married in 2001, and had gone on our honeymoon, which was only 3 days, I discussed with my husband who was only 29 at the time of our wedding, about having children. He all ready had a son who was 2 1/2 when we married. He was very stern that he didn’t want any more children after he turned 40 because he would then be around 60 or 70 when the child graduated high school. I responded to him by letting him know that if he really wanted children with me and he turned 40 before we had any children that he couldn’t put a time frame on it. I was only 24 years of age. So I was still fully in the child bearing years. I hit 30, still no child. I hit 35, still no child. It was then that I started believing that I would never have any children of my own or that I couldn’t have any children of my own. By this time my hubby had hit 40. (There is a 5 year difference between us.) I remembered how stern he was in saying “No more children after I turn 40 years old.” As I remembered this at that time, I began to sink into depression thinking and believing that I was to fat, to ugly, that I wasn’t good enough, etc. It was also then that I realized I would never have a child of my own. So I gave up on having children. I began to get heavier, lost energy, ate more, became a diabetic, etc. I found myself in deep depression at times that I would end up being admitted to the physic ward at the hospital. As time has gone on I have believed that I still can’t have children, because I am getting to “old” as some would say.
Just this past year I began to get more involved in eating healthy, drinking lots of water, and exercising. Yeah I am not trimmed down to where I want to be yet, but I am working on it. I also started really working with my diabetic doctor to get my sugars under control. I’m going in the right path, but I still needed assistance with getting pregnant. So, I made an appointment with my OBGYN and he sent a refferal to a fertility specailist and I went to see him. They had me doing certain things, and lots of blood work, come to find out, I did have some issues in getting pregnant. So, I received a call one day about the labwork and found out that my A1C – diabetes numbers – where at a 9.6. I was suprised. So I asked what do I need to do to get things rolling to get my diabetes more controled in order to get pregnant. I was given information, and also told to get with my Diabetic doctor to see what can be done. So I did. I now have a doctor that is willing to work with me and push me to get my numbers down. This last time I went to see her, my A1C had come down to an 8.6 I believe. So, I asked her what else can we do? She had me do some tests, she changed my meds around took me off 2 and put me on 2 of another. I’ve gone to talk to a Diabetic Nurse in how to take the insulin with a syring, then I’ve talked with the Dietician and have received information on counting carbs, and logs to write information down on. It’s been great to have this information infront of me and the people talking with me, not at me.
So, this brings me up to the present time. Just the other day (Sunday), my husband and I were out at his parents home celebrating my mother-in-laws birthday. We were all in the kitchen eating and having a conversation about school. There was a question that was asked and then answered. Then another question was, “Does this mean your done?” If you were me, sitting at the kitchen table finishing up your drink, what would you think? I just sat there thinking okay so now the truth comes out. I thought to myself, and you want sex tonight? I sat quietly, wondering if it is worth it to continue with trying to have a child. We came home and I finished up my homework, had supper, spent time with the dog, and was getting ready to head to bed. Decided to take my shower, then my meds, and then go to bed. My husband comes in at that moment, wanting sex, I give in because I am tired of hearing him beg. Later that evening I am still laying there in bed wondering where I went wrong in thinking that he was truly serious about changing his mind and wanting to have a child with me. As I lay there thinking, he comes in to go to bed. He asked for a kiss. Recluntantly I gave it to him. Then I said to him, “Why should I give you sex when you told your mom this afternoon that you were finished having children?” He tried to say that wasn’t what he said or she said. I told him that it was. I also explained to him that it truly hurt so much that I wanted to leave the house at that moment with out him. I told him as well that I would stop all process to have a child with him. He says that isn’t what was said. So instead of arguing with him I stopped talking and went to sleep. So, how would you have responded. Today I told him again how hurt I was and that I know what I heard. Although I am sitting here wondering why should I even bother giving him sex any more? Why should I even bother sleeping in the same bed? I don’t know how I will answer these but I know I’ve been hurt once again by my husband. I don’t know whether I should be mad, or angry. However, at this point I have kept my feelings to myself. He has asked for sex again tonight, and I’ve already expressed to him my no.
How do you think I handled it? How do you think I should handled it? Should I go on with dealing with the fertility specialist? Should I continue trying to have a child with him? What do you think?
Let me know. I look forward to reading your responses.